Friday, February 6, 2015

Feeling Reborn

There comes a time in all our lives, where we have a moment of feeling reborn. Like something within us has shed its layers, leaving something else to be revealed. I guess that's how my very first trip to India left me feeling... like I let go of an 'older version of me' and was born into a 'newer, updated version of me'. 
How this all happened is still a mystery.

Perhaps that's the magic of the Motherland. That She compassionately offers us exactly what we need, while revealing to us who we really are.

For years I dreamt of 'returning home' and had given up the idea that a trip to India would be likely in this birth. In fact, I've tried two times previously to go to India and it never worked out. Third times a charm, I've heard.

And isn't it funny that's how life tends to unfold - once we surrender a desire, only then it happens.

Anyway, that was how India presented Herself to me... as an unexpected invitation from a long lost friend. And then to be invited to assist the 200hr Sivananda Yoga Teacher Training was the cherry on top. Such a blessing.

And off I went, to one of the most revered and sacred holy lands known on the planet today.

In the car on the way to the airport, my sweet suppportive, and loving husband held my hand as I cried sitting in the passengers seat. It was as if I knew something was going to be different. That I would not be the same woman when I returned. His silence revealed he was in agreement. As the flight continued, it just seemed blessed. Every single aspect; ability to sleep, seat neighbors, the food, etc. Blessed!

Until a drunk business man on the flight from Doha to India, had a little too much alcohol and ended up puking all over the plane window... which splattered (yes splattered) down the airplane wall, onto my legs, shoes and backpacks. Really? This is now the emotion... sheer panic!

If anyone knows me, I don't do puke... or snot, or diarrhea. But if your leg was sawed off, I'd be the first to run and stop the bleeding and stitch you up.  :)  So as I'm reacting to my current situation, adrenaline kicking in, I am kindly escorted to the front of the plane where they place me next to an expectant woman and a gentleman too sleepy to care.

Reflecting on the subliminal meanings of someone throwing up, I can see the positive in this situation. It's as if it was a sign that the negativity is leaving. That old habits are in the past. Old emotions were released. In Hatha Yoga, there is a kriya called Kunja Kriya. Needless to say, it is purifying on many levels.

Even after all that, I was still very much feeling that the trip was superbly blessed. And I still have continued chuckles reminiscing about being puked on... of course that would happen. But what also happened, is that I feel in love. Fell in love with me again.

The closer the plane was to India's land, the quicker the tears were falling from my eyes. A decade-plus dream was becoming a reality. I was finally touching the very land responsible for my inner philosophies and psychologies today. Could this really be happening? Am I here amongst the great yogis and sadhus? Oh, how my heart melts at the mere thought...even in this moment.

Gently and quite respectfully the mother-to-be was comforting me. Shy began to inquire, authentically reaching out. We bonded over our love for life and children. The sincerity in her eyes quickly left me realizing... I truly am on the other side of the world... and I truly am blessed to be alive.

As the ariplane wheels finally kiss the sweet Mother, a part of me is reborn.

to be continued...

*  Lila Lolling explored south India traveling, studying, and teaching from October 30 - December 8, 2014. She returns 2015.